Tuesday, September 8, 2015

The Pursuit of Unlonely

     There’s too much sadness here and I feel like either my brain is going to spontaneously combust or dissolve into a puddle of tears and heartbreak. I decided to get out of my dull apartment and buy some furniture, maybe even visit the dog festival (even though I prefer cats). That's when the sky suddenly looked like it was about to have a mental breakdown right above Collingwood. I hate my name and what it represents. I hate rain. Sadness literally falling from the sky. I need to get out of here. Escape the lonely.

     Just as I’m about to leave, I see another person through the fog and humidity, sitting in a bus stop safe from the soon-to-come hurricane. Wow. A person. So rare. But for some reason I felt a pull towards them, maybe they hated rain as much as I did, maybe they were just as lonely -- or maybe I'm delusional.
History suggests to the latter.

     But strangely I find myself following my inner sarcasm that said ”hey you know what's a good idea?”, and walked over to the stranger like the creeper loneliness made me to be. But then I slowed down, realizing the irritated look plastered on the girl's face. (And here I thought I escaped all angst after high school).


     However, for some weird reason I ignored the small sliver of common sense I had in me, and walked straight to her. I needed her. And if it sounds crazy that's because it is. I haven't had human interaction since I bought travel-size shampoo from Shawn at El Cheapo my first night here -- and no offense, he kinda (really) creeps me out. (WAY too happy).

     Keeping my eyes on her, ignoring every socially awkward nerve in my body (a.k.a. ALL OF THEM), I sat down in the tiny space that wasn't occupied by her or her book-bag. It was only then I noticed a funny looking man sitting in the adjacent bus bench. He must be a clown or something, probably headed to the festival to make balloon animals for small children who will end up losing or popping them anyways. His name-tag read "Bill".

    Looking back to the girl I see her gather her things and get up to leave -- I hadn't even said anything yet-- and before I can stop myself or the words I'm standing up and yelling in her direction, "Wait!"
     I've been left so many times I guess I couldn't handle even this buggered situation. It meant nothing, I didn't even know who she was. But when she looked back at me with those eyes programed to irritation, I realized three things:
1) The irrelevance of ones feelings or intentions in another's perspective is insanely large,
2) Americans are bloody complicated,
3) My search for Unlonely had left me so beyond help.

     Sitting down once again, I notice "Bill" looking at me like I'm a lunatic, and I shot him my best impression of the girls bitch face. His shocked expression told me I nailed it, and I turned just in time to watch Mistress Angst disappear into the foggy air.



  1. you and Poppy totally need to meet again! I love this!

    1. aw thank you! I love your interaction with jasper soo much; cant wait to hear more about kai (again! again!)

  2. I think we should have another interaction it doesn't have to be this week if you don't want but lemme know if you'd be interested